Times are getting hard!!!! i write essays for grants but my faith is dropping some what. Just keep me in your prayers that i'm on the right track, and someone out there reading my life and goals will see something great. And the door i dream of opens and is brighter than i could ever dream.

Pray i find the means to keep up my bills til that day arrives. God bless

Sorry i havent been on, life has been hitting me in so many ways. School presure is on, and im having problems again in math. But my troubles were trippled last week when i found out i cant get any more loans, due to that stupid Tec school some years ago. So now im trying to get work study, or scolarships and just find my way. I have never been challenged and exposed to a life that has me thinking and changing so much. I have never woked so hard for something in my life. I deserve to be in collage. There has been so many benifits already, and im just getting started. So friends, life has been hard. I at times feel stuck in a life of no vacations, or sick days, no 401k or..... you get the point. Please keep me in your prayers, that i find a way to stay in collage. Havent taken English copm yet.. so if anyone can help me apply for free cash for school. please let me know...

Are you taking care of your grandkids? You could get food stamps for them. Im sorry youe so stressed. My mom had to take on my first  child years ago. I know its hard, but your grand kids need you. Hold your children accountable, they need to grow up!!! This is a great site, there are people on here that have knowledge, just ask, and people will respond. Your in my prayers. Thank God for grandmas

Crazt how in the middle of my struggles im tricked into thinking "There are no answers, or solutions". BUT when i feflest back at all i have been through, I relize i have beating the odds for years. Not bragging, just that i have over come so many desasters. I have built a safe foundation for my family. Completly starting over a couple of times with no help, no parent or family. Never could i get a job over 9 hour. No Education, no skills....... SO if i could do all that i have done so far, can you imangine what i will be able to do with a degree, and a whole new level of networking and exploring new paths. Im sharing this to you because there is so much out there for us. A preacher once told me you cant drive a parked car... Faith without works is dead. Please stay lifted, and motavited to get up and make what ever you need in your life happen. There are so many ways to get things done. Wishing you all the best!!!!

I cant tell you how big of a deal it is to tell you all that today i recieved my first A+ ever as a student in my harder classes. thats right a big 96. I have worked many hours striving to process and store information so that i could earn a grade that reflects my effort. Something like this is just what i needed to give me the confidence to always do my best.Thank you for all of your support and advice in the past few days!!!!!!!

That was a needed post today. Thank you

Im in a real struggle at this moment. I want to just scream, but the only people in my life would here me, and i never want the kiddos to think im not in control. I have to much going on at once. My classes are getting harder, i studied all spring break, and tried to be productive. Im constantly feeling as if im not moving in the right direction, and my eyes burn all the time recently from holding in my tears. I  am using all the resources i have to help me figure out my life.  I just feel im here all alone, fighting off all the bad, and trying to protect my children. Im so better than all this. I'm so tired of double checking if the doors are locked at night, and is there going to be enough food for the month, and thank god for the young girl at school that gave me some change to get gas to get home today. I re-budget and re budget, but still i have to struggle in ways that puts my mind in nots. I'm just having a bad week, but yet i have worked so hard, in so many ways..........................................I just want to scream.... but i hold it in, there is no one here to hear me............. I'm sorry, i want to be encouraging but at this moment its very hard!!!!

Does anyone know anything about a icecream push carts? Just a random idea for the summer. Found one for about 1,000   If you know anything about dealing with one please let me know.

So i have had a problem with the high school not challenging my 16 year old kid, he never has homework and there is 0 communition in high school. BUT, i have found a way to really test my kid, but make him feel so smart at the same time.... Im taking basic math, not so basic, but that what its called. Now yes i do get stuck, But i have really been getting it, ...lol i ask my kid to help me, to see if he already knows it, because now that i know it, i can tell if he really knows it. IM so happy to say that that he does, and hes really great at math. Yes i am surprized, he has with drawn from me in his becoming a man stage, and now i feel me being in school, and him seeing how hard i work for my grades is influencing him. Man am i so happy right this moment!!!!! As he was out the door a few sac a go, he came over and gave me a kiss. Do you know how long it has been since he has shown any affection!!!!!! Well to me... now the girls.. lol thats different. I am proud to say im 99.9999  sure he is still a virgin. That hard to come by with kids these day, i had him at 17. Where does the time go? Thank God i still look great..lol You know im considered the Hot Mom around here.....lol so funny

Just wanted to share

I cant help but feel grounded and lost at the same time. What is going on with me, everyone in my life is mad, no one understands that if im not in books i will FAIL!!!!!!! Hell i might fail with doing all the work, i seem to come up short at times. I know its an adjustment, and at times im doing better than i think. I want this so bad, I want to feel Eduacated, i want a job that i can stand on my own feet, and provide my kids with there wants and needs. Dont get me wrong, i know im on the right track, but the support only seems to come in brief moments by people i dont know. Im starting to learn it seems like for the first time, and it is very hard. My time is all on school, and at this point if i focus on anything else i will fail a test, a task, and a final.... = no more money for school, and books and i will look back at this as another failure. Im just feeling the presure, and im scared....... Just venting.............

I am ready to make some serious leaps in my life, and as i read my text books and lectures, research and study, there is alot i thought i knew...lol but just didnt have a clue til now. I realize I need help!!! If there is someone out there really willing to establish a student/life coach relationship. I think it would really give me a better opportunity to become who i'm meant to be. If your interested please look at my blogs to see how i have already taken the leaps. See the effort i put into my future every day. Feed back is also welcome. I also hope you get at least a small idea of who i am, as i have been at times to honest.

Dont give up!!!!!!!! we at times travel down roads simply because we can handle it. Good luck and God Bless

Question!! Would you know of any Scholarships i could look into, i know to Google, but its a Lil over whelming.

Keepin the faith!!!! Collage hs its ups and downs, but full time and the kid Missed class today due to the car breaking down in the middle of a main road.Everytime i think im getting ahead, i have to take 2-3 back. Where is the time. Now i am learning so much....wow Keep me in your prayers. There are so many days im running to a people free room to shed the tears of stress and fear of failure. So hard to juggle everything, and feeling i come up short for the kids. One day at a time.

Wow, i had to read that to my family. Perfict timing. I find it hard to believe you can go anywhere for a long period of time, and not learn anything. I find that i remember what i was taught when i needed to remember. Plus we grow, and have no need to repeat lessons at times, off to make other mistakes, and learns other lessons. How could that guy be such a follower to go some where for 20+ plus years and think he hasnt learned something? If that is the case, i would say visit other churches. God Bless to all, there is only 2 things we are all truley here to do. love God, and love each.

Took the time out today to make my kids feel speical!!!! The feeling is so...... Just love to make them happy. They work so hard to do well in school, and helping me around the house. What would i do with out them. They keep me grounded and responsable.

I had the best day. The most interesting converstaions. I love taking the time to talk to strangers, and hear what they have to say. Collage is wonderfull. We prejudge to much, there is so much we can learn about each other. God bless the strangers i will get to know!!!! stay blessed all!!!

The presure is on.... Dont get me wrong, school is the best thing i could have ever done. BUT boy is the presure on. Its hard to form habbits of study, and always feeling one step behind. I have learded that when i think im not going to do well, I just dont have faith in myself. Our mind plays with us, or mine does.... Like taking a test... my mind goes blank, and the nerves sit in and i just cant think. The doctor called and i have a meeting with him to discuss if i have a learning disablity. Last night doing my math homework, i noticed that im having a problem rewriting the problem correctly. I spent hours on the work, and so frustrated. I knew how to do the math, just could not write 3(-9)+12= and so on. As if im seeing it backwards. I am excited to get the results, but scared im fine just a very low IQ. Now that would break my heart. On the other hand, I passed my Psychology test!!!!! Let me tell you, learning about the brain and how it works..... words ive never seen, things i have never heard....til i started to idenfiy with t.v shows that talked about what i was learning. That is where the excitment comes in. Feeding my brain!!!

I think more now, and do more math in my head, and can relate with more people. Pray for me to recieve the imformation, and progress..  jbell

just to vent a bit, i have been on this site for a good amount of time, and never have i asked a soul for anything. But i have had 2 different people reach out to me and offer me help. Well as we all know, is little help goes alot further, and tells alot about a person helping. The sad new is nither person came  through.Cant help be be bothered by this. Both times was after i gave them my address info...... Who does that? i have been om here, and shared so much of my life, that i would hope the reader has some since of who i am, and what kind of mother i am. Happy Mothers Day

I find it interesting that when i have a chance to rambel about myself, The truth comes out.. What i maen by this is this morning i was discribing my life  a little to someone on this site, and as i reread what i had said, i had talked about failing my kids. WOW, its not something i think about. But its my biggest fear. We all know that the more we have to offer our chilren the more of a chance they have as productive adults. I was a child that was never interduced to anything, no sports, or extra activities. So i grew up with no intrest, or goals. I never had someone push me to be grat at anything. So yes, i fear my children growing up and being like me, as i know im a great parent, and i put them first, but cant offer a wide range of experiences to excite them and get them to thinking about what all is out there in life for them. Last year i had my 2 younger sons in baseball. I dont sugjest doing that with 2 at the same time. Loved that they were on a team and learned how it is to be apart of that, but the cost was over the top. and it really took the gas out my car, and food off the table. I now recently put my 10 year old in boxing. He has a hard time dealing with his feeling, and has a learning disablity. He really needed an outlet. Seems not fair to other kids, but as parents we have to deciede what is best, and within our means. Im not sure how long i can pay, but i hope to have himthere for a long time. My point is i fear not doing well in school, keeping the lights on.. Thats why its good to listen to people. we discover our issues/fears

hearts that touch so many. As a parentless child, i fear them losing me. I know first hand what happens when parents make bad chioces, and what becomes of the child left behind. Creating a better life is my goal, i will do this taking baby steps, collage full time starts in days, and there is where i will pull them out from our life that sinks slow. While doing this, i will disquize our life, and shield them from the struggle. Put on my poker face, and pretend to know the answers. As i wrote this, i hope other see me fight for our life, you dont know details, we should not have to hear in words, the pain of the roads we travel, why dread on that, we have come so far,  and have been so blessed. Often i feel like the little girl, scared, and unknown what to do, but i keep moving and looking for the answers. 

I wrote this at the begining of collage. Im still here, and looking over this wanted to share with you. Things are still very hard, and at times feel its to hard, but i still have my home by a threed mostly, but with great pride....... jess